i wonder if i've eaten any rustled cattle. probably, i've eaten like 10lbs of beef in the past week. steak is awesome but now taking a shit is like extruding some soft-serve turd ice cream. mmm, soft-serve.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh god

according to the fake craigslist ads i've posted, more men are willing to allow women to vomit on them during sex than women will allow men to shit while receiving a blowjob, by a ratio of 12 (and counting) to 0. i find this utterly biased.

i sure am a hedonist. i like drinking, sex, and sleeping a whole lot, so i'm usually willing to get in trouble or suffer consequences. and i suffer.

i married for love.. but then again, i'm married to myself.

--- stuff that nobody cares about ---

monday morning and i'm still hung over. i need to stop doing so many drugs at once.

i'm a total cyber pimp. i just went to this interview for a tech job and the guy didnt even bother asking me technical questions. im just that badass.

good luck, psychopath. may the schwartz be with you.

i made some new rules to live by. let's see how long they last.

dennis, that article about space being bluish was debunked. it's actually a boring beige color. just like my soul.

sometimes, leonard cohen is completely appropriate.

actual new york times headline today: Love Canal Declared Clean, Ending Toxic Horror.

i am soooooooooo bored and i'm not even drunk.