I would like to jar this particular cloud of poo steam I have trapped beneath my comforter. It has a sweetness to it, not unlike Splenda-infused air. I wish to savor this at another time. Well, I moved and that succulent stench swam away. The anus giveth and the atmosphere taketh away...

My farts are so frequent and smell so bad tonight that my wife cancelled sex and plans to sleep on the couch. A mix of sulphur & skunk, with a healthy dose of poo, at a rate of one fart every 3 minutes.

What really gives me a lot of stinky gas are jamba juice drinks. I guess it must be from all the carbohydrates or something. Whenever I have one on my break at work, I begin farting on the sales floor within half an hour. When a customer has a questions and says "Excuse me, sir . . .", I want to say back, "No excuse ME!"

Yesterday I had this 'red tea' which is 'rooibos.' It's the aged twigs and leaves of some south african shrub that doesn't resemble tea at all but is one of the most distinct beverage experiences ever. However here I am on the pot dropping some old friends of mine off at the pool, but today the old friends have a new and distinctive odor. Wow.

After a night of sushi, egg nog, and a bottle of tequila, my bowels were aching to be released this morning. The smell was insane, like fresh newborn baby diaper poo - it was almost fruity.

guinness farts have distinctive odor just like guinness shits. in fact, many different varieties of booze have different fart/shit smells. for example, tequila, bourbon, and pabst blue ribbon are all distinct.

wow, guinness farts have a distinctive odor. not totally unlike sushi farts. huh?

my farts actually smell like skunk today. really. skunk. yuck.

once i had this job interview and it was long and went well so it included a lunch portion, during which we went to chinese buffet. i was like "whazzat?" and he was like "it's egg fu young" and i was like *shrug* *eat*. luckily, it took a few hours for the eggs to make it past the general tso's and fully activate in my large intestines, by which time i was at home and in the shower. now i love farting and all, but MAN did i wish i'd held that in. i mean, a small enclosed space filled with 10% concentration egg fu young metabolates. i'm not usually one to hate someone for farting but my self-loathing reached a new point that day.

so we were just in a cab where the driver kept falling asleep at red lights and then we got back to my place and i let a huge fart and it smelled and made a lot of noise and smelled a lot and i was like "whoa that smelled" and jeremiah was like "you oughta write about that in fartjournal" and i was like "that's a shitty story" but god did it smell and i hope they didn't smell that bad at the bar, because there were girls there. it smelled a lot. i don't think i've had eggs today. maybe it's the garlic.