Today I was absolutely busting for a shit all day at work and my manager kept walking behind me. It was infuriating. Finally I got to leave and I got stuck behind the god damn school traffic in front of my house for at least half an hour and things nearly went south. Luckily I made it home in time. [link]

Here I sit, my spirits drooped,/ Meant to fart, instead I pooped.

Today was the day, I knew it when I awoke and I spent the better part of the day preparing myself. I could hardly wait. When the time finally came I removed all my clothes and squatted down in front of my shrine. I pushed. gently at first but gradually ramping up the power until about 2 feet of dark, knobby turdmatter exited my winking butthole. I knelt in front of it. "You are so beautiful" I said. I picked up my malodorous creation and held it like a fragile infant. I softly kissed its sticky brown surface until my appetite could no longer be controlled. I wolfed down my massive poop like a stoned college student at a free, all-u-can-eat taco bell buffet and when I was finished there was only one thought in my mind as I licked the chocolate doodoobutter from my fingers "wow! It's much better the third time around, I cant wait until tomorrow!"

Hubby doesn't get my fascination with poop. I was constipated for a long time and now that I'm finally going on a regular basis I get way too excited. I've had explosive diarreah the past few days which have NOT been fun...damn my reaction to caffeine! :( But I love a good shit where it just all comes out at once and you're done! I laughed so hard this morning at these posts LOL. poop is awesome.

When I went to pee today, I found the toilet occupied by a cloudy little floater. I flushed away the cloud, but the little turd remained in the bowl. Undeterred, I put in my pee and gave it a flush, confident that that would send it on its journey. But no! A few hours later it was still there! Poor little turd. But this time, I gave him a big, strong poop to be his guide into the scatological afterlife. And lo, the two went boldly together into the beyond. I was so proud to be able offer assistance.

I am still not sure if there is something to make of these strange poops that involve an initial hard "cork" followed by a long flow of diarrhea. Are they named? May I adventure into fecal taxonomic science and throw caution to the wind and just declare them Encorkated Diarrhea?

I would like to jar this particular cloud of poo steam I have trapped beneath my comforter. It has a sweetness to it, not unlike Splenda-infused air. I wish to savor this at another time. Well, I moved and that succulent stench swam away. The anus giveth and the atmosphere taketh away...

I HAVE OFTEN WONDERED HOW A GREAT SMELLING, DELICIOUS DINNER OF BEEFSTEAK, B-RED POTATOES, LIMA BEANS AND SALAD TRANSFORMS INTO A EVIL SMELLING, PUTRID, HILARIOUS KNOBBY BROWN TUBE OF NASTINESS.

Also took a skunk stinking dump the other day. Wonder what food combos result in that particular stench .

Three ears of grilled corn / Pound garden strawberry gems / Foot and a half poop

I perceive distress. / She ate bowling alley food. / Green soup in the bowl.

It is possible and have done it before. I caution any of you who try it though. The fire will ignite the gas but your anus, when clenching after the fart, might suck the gas plus fire back inside. It is not an enjoyable. I always ignite through a pair of bvd's.

Last night Katrina and I shared a pint of Crown Royal, and this morning we woke up and took identical-smelling shits. Like, wow.

My farts are so frequent and smell so bad tonight that my wife cancelled sex and plans to sleep on the couch. A mix of sulphur & skunk, with a healthy dose of poo, at a rate of one fart every 3 minutes.

Today I had the yin to yesterday's yang. The urge to visit the W.C. came on slowly over a long time, like it couldn't make up its mind. So I made up my mind, and sat down, and it is totally undecisive the whole way, and then I'm done and trying to figure out how to squeeze a bit more out and I realize my asshole is completely on fire. So I wipe and wipe, but my butthole still burns! And I think, "god what did I do?" and then I remembered like two teaspoons of habanero extract. *sigh*

Today I had a wonderful shit. It told me unambiguously when it was ready, and then it told me unambiguously that it was proceeding out of my asshole at a good clip, and then it told me unambiguously when it was done, and then I looked and it was this beautiful plain brown 7" long by 1.5" diameter cylinder resting leisurely in the bowl. One wipe and I was clean. Bon voyage, beautiful turd.

Well, I repeated the experiment and I have determined that if one of your last acts of 2006 is chugging a bottle of champagne then one of your first acts of 2007 is going to be liquipoo. Oh well, shit happens. Especially to drinkers. At least it didn't hardly burn this time!

If I have the time, I love taking a dump at work - at least you get paid for it! I'm not a happy bunny at the moment. I'm not constipated but I've got a bottleneck at the exit and it won't come out. I've tried several times but it just keeps accumulating there. It's uncomfortable. I can't wait to get rid of it all!

What really gives me a lot of stinky gas are jamba juice drinks. I guess it must be from all the carbohydrates or something. Whenever I have one on my break at work, I begin farting on the sales floor within half an hour. When a customer has a questions and says "Excuse me, sir . . .", I want to say back, "No excuse ME!"

"Did you hear my butt trumpet sing to you?" I asked the cat. Katy answered instead, "it sounded like whale songs."

Yesterday I had this 'red tea' which is 'rooibos.' It's the aged twigs and leaves of some south african shrub that doesn't resemble tea at all but is one of the most distinct beverage experiences ever. However here I am on the pot dropping some old friends of mine off at the pool, but today the old friends have a new and distinctive odor. Wow.

self-heatiing coffee in a can. what a remarkable invention of twenty first century american life. low calorie and full of sucralose, a "mild" laxative. i am sitting here for the third time today contemplating how they ever determined this stuff was human compatible. climbing on a ladder and you feel something splatter!

taking another shit-oh-two-eleven. this one is pretty well formed, but smelly.

im taking a shit right now.. ah, the joys of wireless. anyways, i've been sick lately so this one is loose and wet and warm and stinky. mmm.

as i sit here on my throne I'm thinking of the qualitative aspect of shitting. i don't like shits that take a lot of effort to come out and I especially don't like shits that take a lot of wiping because they had no real internal structure and just kind of turned into butt sludge. i think i need more FIBER!! yeah, fiber! i have some bananas but I think I'm gonna buy like some weetabix or something.

i just shit and it smells like a skunk. like really, like a skunk. that is to say, it doesn't smell like shit. it smells like a skunk!! i guess this is what yellow curry smells like on the other end.