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Here I sit, my spirits drooped,/ Meant to fart, instead I pooped.
Tue Aug 18, 2015 14:51 EDT
Today was the day, I knew it when I awoke and I spent the better part of the day preparing myself. I could hardly wait. When the time finally came I removed all my clothes and squatted down in front of my shrine. I pushed. gently at first but gradually ramping up the power until about 2 feet of dark, knobby turdmatter exited my winking butthole. I knelt in front of it. "You are so beautiful" I said. I picked up my malodorous creation and held it like a fragile infant. I softly kissed its sticky brown surface until my appetite could no longer be controlled. I wolfed down my massive poop like a stoned college student at a free, all-u-can-eat taco bell buffet and when I was finished there was only one thought in my mind as I licked the chocolate doodoobutter from my fingers "wow! It's much better the third time around, I cant wait until tomorrow!"
Fri Apr 03, 2015 00:12 EDT
I HAVE OFTEN WONDERED HOW A GREAT SMELLING, DELICIOUS DINNER OF BEEFSTEAK, B-RED POTATOES, LIMA BEANS AND SALAD TRANSFORMS INTO A EVIL SMELLING, PUTRID, HILARIOUS KNOBBY BROWN TUBE OF NASTINESS.
Sat Sep 01, 2012 00:55 EDT
Today I had the yin to yesterday's yang. The urge to visit the W.C. came on slowly over a long time, like it couldn't make up its mind. So I made up my mind, and sat down, and it is totally undecisive the whole way, and then I'm done and trying to figure out how to squeeze a bit more out and I realize my asshole is completely on fire. So I wipe and wipe, but my butthole still burns! And I think, "god what did I do?" and then I remembered like two teaspoons of habanero extract. *sigh*
Tue Jan 23, 2007 12:02 EST
If I have the time, I love taking a dump at work - at least you get paid for it! I'm not a happy bunny at the moment. I'm not constipated but I've got a bottleneck at the exit and it won't come out. I've tried several times but it just keeps accumulating there. It's uncomfortable. I can't wait to get rid of it all!
Fri Sep 08, 2006 10:56 EDT
taking another shit-oh-two-eleven. this one is pretty well formed, but smelly.
Sat Feb 12, 2005 04:38 EST
Oh man, I took the most awesome dump yesterday. I'd JUST got back from Mongolian BBQ, and was sitting in my computer chair when I felt the urge to fart. However, as I pushed down with my diaphragm to expell the noxious gas, I realized at the very last second that at this moment, my rectum contained far more than mere fartgas. Upon averting this near disaster, I promptly made a dash for the toilet, fired one solid dung cork out, and oh how the spicy river did flow. I let it run its course and tidied up a bit, then proceeded to stand up. As soon as I did so, I heard my stomach growl and felt something shift - and JUST BARELY had enough time to sit back down before pure unadultered Pepsi came pouring out of my anus into the already fetid bowl. After admiring my handiwork (and it was quite impressive, let me tell you), I sent it away to wherever it is great turds go, and realizing that I'd just expelled my entire dinner not 30 minutes after consuming it, made a sandwich and ate it! The end [link
Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:59 EST
I pretty much took a shit today that felt like I was passing a bolder covered in thumb tacks. Once it was out, however, a stream of liqui-poo followed which wasn't pleasant. Saddly, the liquipoo soon became goopoo which, as those of us with hairy assholes know, sticks something horrible to your asshole. It took a lot of toilet paper and a shower to finally get all the shit off my butt. I hope that I don't have to concern myself with such a thing in the future.
Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:34 EST
Lately my shits have been regular and predictable. Soft, smelly, bright brown, falls apart in water, and happens about 1pm everyday (probably because I drink a mug of coffee before work). Greg's mom came into the bathroom at work while I was shitting today. I stayed in my stall till she was gone.
Mon Dec 13, 2004 15:05 EST
fartjournal - Sat Jan 18 06:29:13 2020
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